One. Two. Three.
One. Tw-
I didn’t do it right.
Breath. Breath. Breath.
Why can’t I get it right?

One. Two. Three.
One. Two. Three.
There’s a live wire in my head,
buzzing, buzzing like flies.
I can’t turn it off!

My nerves are raw-
Raw meat, meat, meat.
I’m washing my hands too much.
Skin is peeling, bleeding
drip, drip, drip.
Never clean enough.

Just shut up.
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!

Stepped on a crack-
I should call my mother. 
What if she's hurt?
What if she dies?
What if it's my fault?

One. Two. Three.
One. Two. Three.
Knocking, knocking
I don’t want to open.

I really am the worst.
The worst daughter.
The worst person.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The voice in my head-
machine guns drilling.

I need, I need…
What do I need?
Silence, probably,
or a reset button?
Can I start over?
One. Two. Three.
That bird is so beautiful,
so… peaceful.

No rules.
No counting.
No checking.
No soap and blood.

I wish I could fly,
fly away from my brain.
But, I’d probably
suck at flying.

Still, I might try.
Even if my wings tore,
even if the ground reached up
like the embrace of an old friend.

Maybe it's not the flying that I want?
maybe it's… the quiet?
When the thoughts stop scratching,
when I dissolve into the sky.
Into wind, 
into nothing.

One. Two. Three.
One. Two. Three.

I think there’s something 
wrong with me.
I think-
I think I just need
another drink.


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